life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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