my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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