My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
