"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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