Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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