Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
