True but thats because hes a fetus.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
