dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
