can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
