i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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