after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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