Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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