how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize