My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize