I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
