I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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