I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
