did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
