Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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