this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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