Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
