i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
