in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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