I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
