is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
