Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
