i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
