I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
