i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
