youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
