i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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