Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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