It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize