my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
