I think i peed on brittanys purse
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
