I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
