Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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