HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize