This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is my gift to your gina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
