I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
