Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
