i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
