Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
