I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
