He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
