I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
