I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
