I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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