He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
