Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
