too bad you live with your parents still
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
