So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need a beard to bite.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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