And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
