I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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