Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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