You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
