Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
