I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
