we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she peed on how many people?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize