nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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