Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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