I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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