and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
