we're blogging at a bar
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
