I hate your face
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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